May 6, 2009

• Shopping gives me super powers.  
  For months now I’ve been driving past the meadow I blogged about back in January.  Summer is nearly here, and my enchanted fairy land is disappearing, slowly turning into a desert wasteland before my eyes because I lack the nerve to journey past the angry “NO TRESPASSING” signs at the gate.   Every time I leave my house I feel a little more spineless and little more disgusted with myself, but apparently not enough to actually do anything about it.     I always come up with an excuse like…the kids are both wailing or I’m too young to die.
    
  But today I went lingerie shopping with Heather (she’s one of the few people who would dare attempt such a thing with my two man-babies).    We hit up Nordstroms Rack where Jamie picked out a lovely, fluffy looking pink tanga and excitedly brought it to me  “Mom you need this, it is soo cute”.   He also had opinions on what bras Heather and I ought to try on, although he called them “for charlie’s food”.    He is either going to be royally embarassed by this tale someday, or he’s going to make a fantastic husband with great tastes.   Maybe both?
  A mobile Charlie was a twist I hadn’t prepared for.  I had him sitting happily on the floor in the dressing room when suddenly he spied a crusty, stale cheerio three stalls down and he took off like a locamotive.   I was not attired properly to go charging after him, so I resorted to sticking my head out the bottom and yelling for him to come back.   He didn’t.   I got dressed very quickly.    We survived however, and  I scored a $118 piece of french lingerie that was mis marked for $5.97.     I was seriously stoked.   

  So stoked, that when I drove past my fading fairy land, and the familiar pangs of guilt hit me, instead of ignoring it and sliding further down my seat, I pulled a u-turn, went back and started up the driveway. *gulp*  It quickly turned into a dirt road  path marked every ten feet or so by signs like “YOU LOOT WE SHOOT”.  I kid you not.   If I could have turned around I would have, finally the trees cleared and I saw a house straight out of a Louis La’Mour novel.   I swear it grew straight out of the ground, complete with an old wrap around porch filled with saddle equipement, rocking chair, and an old sleeping dog.   I left the car running (in case I needed a quick escape) with the kids sleeping in the back seat.   In a last second decision I ditched the Ralph Lauren sunglasses and bluetooth… since I didn’t think they’d win me any points, and I knocked on the door.   And knocked again.   Third time the door finally opened to reveal the man I remembered from 4 years ago.  And he wasn’t any happier or more pleasant.     He was seriously wearing cowboy boots, hat and gun.    My heart was pounding in my throat although in some ways I felt justified.   This was one case where my imagination didn’t exagerate real life.   He demanded with scowly eyebrows if I’d happened to notice the no trespassing signs (um….yeah, all ten of them).    I sputtered something dumb about wanting to introduce myself, being his neighbor and all,  quickly complimented him on his gorgeous property and sign placing skills, and then managed to remember my ace in the hole and hurridedly mentioned that I’m the Deckert’s niece.     He was smiling at that point, apparently he really likes “Vern and Dr. Pat”.  Whew.   He likes them so much, he granted his permission for my photoshoot.   ….providing we don’t pick any flowers.   I assured him we wouldn’t even touch them.  He countered saying we had to take some seeds though.   Ok.
  I shook his hand, and thanked him profusely, then willed my wobbly legs back to my waiting car.

  I’m so glad that’s over.

  Now I actually have to plan a photoshoot.

  • 12:50 pm
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