May 8, 2005
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Things They Never Tell You…
Before you are pregnant, you dubiously wonder how bad it
can be. It’s a well known fact there are mothers everywhere
who would be happy to share their frightening horror stories from
pregnancy and childbirth (whether or not you wanted to hear them), and
yet somehow, when we picture it, we still manage to build an imaginary
world where we’re this slender beautiful woman with this adorable
basketball shaped tummy swathed in fashionable maternity clothes, while
our handsome husband solicitously waits on us hand and foot (your
husband can of course afford to to this because he’s independently
wealthy). While I thought I had an advantage over some, I’m
finding I
really haven’t any idea what can happen while you’re
pregnant. Besides the common
I-feel-like-my-freaking-stomach-has-joined-the-union, and the constant
need to go pee, or the spacey I’m-going-to-pass-out-any-minute feeling
(thanks to all the extra blood you suddenly acquire), combined
with utter, mind numbing fatigue that makes pushing the clutch
down in your car seem like an intense work out; here are a few
things nobody ever told me to possibly expect during
pregnancy. You generally find out about one of these
strange symptoms from one of the thousands of pamphlets than suddenly
inundate your mail box, or the casual comment from your doctor (“I see
your breasts haven’t got purple stripes on them yet?”). The
stranger ones include but are not
limited to:- Hairy Tummy. apparently
we’re not supposed to be shocked if our midsection suddenly looks like
we’re related to Chewbacca. and we’re also supposed to be grateful it
“most likely” will disappear after we deliver the baby. - Stretch Marks,
while many of us know these are a possibility, they’re actually
a 90% probability and not limited to your stomach. They’re
also likely to appear on your breasts, butt, thighs…ok just about
anywhere. - Spreading Nose. Yep,
your nose actually gets wider and/or longer when you’re pregnant.
Something to do with the onslaught of foreign hormones. At least
that’s what they say… - Expanding pelvis and/or Ribcage. Blamed
on another hormone (Riga-something) your ligaments relax allowing your
bones to actually move (hey, at least now you can do Gumbi
impersonations, just be thankful you’re not green also…yet). You may
never see your size two jeans again, no matter how much weight you
lose…can anyone say, “horse hips”? - Poor Eyesight.
Your eyes may cease to focus, you may become nearsighted (if you’re
already nearsighted then you may become legally blind), and you will
probably be forced to give up your contacts. This too will
pass after you are no longer pregnant.
These may all seem weird or farfetched (I swear I didn’t make them up)
but I saved my most recent discovery for last. Quoted from a
medical pamphlet given to me by my doctor. “…during the second
trimester, female genitalia may become swollen, sometimes
resulting in a loss of erection in partner during sexual
intercourse” ….What the freakin heck?!?!? - Hairy Tummy. apparently
Comments (2)
LOL! that was great! yeah pregnancy really sucks!
I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of the “losing erection” thing. God knows Brian didn’t have that problem! HAHA! I was the horniest woman on the planet when I was prego… well, I guess I’m just the horniest woman on the planet and so of course I was still a nympho when I was preg.
But on a serious note, Ez, between you and me, pregnancy wasn’t easy for me either. I dealt with some pretty severe depression each time and the thought of even being pregnant again makes me nervous. In hindsight, I wish I’d chosen to embrace it more. I’m not being your mommy… just identifying with how you’re feeling. Try to embrace the new shape of your body, try not to curse those stretch marks and widened hips. You’re a mommy now… you’ll never be first in line again in your life. Your body will be no exception.
Try to lose yourself in the wonder of having a life that is 50% you and 50% the man you desperately love. There is just nothing in the world as mystifying and breath-taking. In my last pregnancy, I picked up a book called “As Your Baby Grows” and I forced myself to not skip forward in chapters and pages. It really really helped me overlook my backaches and heartburn and sore boobs and tired feet and constant raging emotions and instead turn my attention to the fact that my little one was developing her brain that day and that the next time she was developing the central nervous system, etc. It helped me through ALOT.
Oh, and one more thing that will really help… if you were working out before, keep doing it. I was still running two miles a day (in about 20 minutes, so not just walking) till 11 days before my last was born and it REALLY helped my hips not spread like the last times. Something about keeping the connective tissue strong and tight. I was a 4 before I had my first and after my last, I made it back down. If you workout throughout, you can reach that 2 again no problem… just give yourself at least a full year after delivery before you start to feel discouraged.
Sorry for another book. Just keep your chin up hon… pregnancy is such a beautiful thing that only happens a few times in a whole life. Try to love it while it lasts.
Hugs.